College Graduate

It is official - I am a college graduate.

I finished school last quarter, with a degree in film and video production, and a minor in business.  I couldn't be happier with where I am in life.

I'm staying in town until September when my lease is up.  In the meantime, I have found a job working as an Administrative Assistant at a camp and retreat center outside of town.  It's a good transitional place.  It's beautiful out there, out in the heart of the canyon.  There is a creek that runs through the property, and last week when I stepped out of the office there were seven deer out to greet me.  It's also a good fit for production management.  I have been busy every minute that I've been there.  Scheduling, working with waivers and contracts and releases, and taking care of the accounts payable/accounts receivable.  I wasn't going to get a job until after I graduated, but this job came up and it seemed like it would look good to help get me into a production office, so I had to snag it while I could.

I'm also working on a few projects.  I'm the production manager for a feature film and a pilot.  I'm also breaking down a script for a short.  I'm finishing the last bits of editing for my short, and I'm finishing development for a feature - a western.

Life is busy and I am so happy with where I am.  Once my lease is up in September, the sky's the limit.  I'm thinking about applying at a couple of places here in Washington.  There's one production company in Bellingham that I've had my sites set on for a while.  They make the most beautiful films, and I would love to be a part of what they do.  If that doesn't work out, I have a couple of other places in mind, but I'm also saving up to move down to LA with my roommate.  It's not my ideal, but I'll give it two years to see if I can get my foot in the door.

What I'm really concerned about in moving to LA is the work that I will end up doing.  The only thing that really matters to me, is doing work that I really care about.  And I fear, that moving to LA, in the desperation of surviving and thriving, my standards will gradually get lower.  Perhaps it is the naive song of the 19 year old dreamer, moving to LA for her big break.  Perhaps I am too old for ideals and hopes.  But I will cling to them nevertheless.

In his essay "Ten Things I have Learned," Milton Glaser described the importance of working with integrity and staying happy:

Things Always Go Wrong

And that's okay.  To this I feel certain.  It just seems to be what happens.  So, a month ago, when everything was moving perfectly I braced myself.  Almost every location I asked for permission to shoot at agreed instantly.  All of the crew that I asked got on board.  Every direction that I moved seemed to have green lights.  It was too good to be true.

• Two days ago, a crew member had a death in the family.
• Yesterday, I met with the library.  And although we've had our date and time (that they suggested and agreed to) set in place for almost two months, they said it wasn't going to work.    Now we have to shoot during business hours, and cannot shoot after dark.  And not shooting after dark means I have to rewrite scenes.
• Today, another crew member informed me that he isn't available.

What will go wrong tomorrow?

So here I am, 43 hours from starting principle photography, scrambling to fill in positions, dealing with rewrites, organize props, fix dinner for my production meeting, meet with an artist whose art I just realized is hanging at one of the locations, completely change my bedroom around because we're shooting a couple of scenes in here, and I am very close to losing my mind.  My chest constantly feels tight.  I sleep up to four hours a night in two hour increments.  I am so tired.  And so worried.  And so stressed.  All of the time.

This story is turning out to be so completely different from the story I wrote.  So many sacrifices had to be made in order to get it produced.  Everything is different.  It's heartbreaking.

I've always thought it was strange when writers were emotionally attached to their work.  I watched a documentary about screenwriters and the struggles that they went through.  And I couldn't relate to them when they took it so personally when a film was different than what they wrote.  I felt convinced that when I had a check in my hands for something I had written, that was all that mattered.  But I kind of get it now.  I love this story, and I want to see it be told the way that I wrote it.  With no budget, and no access to the things I need, sacrifices have to be made.

But I've learned some things through all of these struggles.
1.  The Production Manager is absolutely crucial.  I should have found someone to fill this role, instead of doing it myself.  It's just too much right now all by myself.
2.  I just want to write.  The rest of this is no fun!

Auditions

I had auditions last week.  I put posters up all over town.  Unfortunately, only a few ladies in the age demographic I needed showed up.  And they weren't right for the part.  So, I'm re-writing the script to allow for a younger protagonist.  Part of that is heartbreaking.  Her season in life played a big role in making her such an endearing character.  But, the show must go on.  I've had to make a few sacrifices during the pre-production process, and each one kind of breaks my heart a little bit.

Lets Talk About My Movie

Well, I just read through all of my previous blog entries, as one must always do when they haven't blogged in a while.  And I must say, much of it is rather pathetic and embarrassing.  How vulnerable I was in discussing my fears and inabilities!  And how much (I hope) I have grown since then!

So, here I am, almost as fully educated (for academic credit) as I am going to get.  I took my first college course 12 years ago.  South Puget Sound Community College, Grays Harbor Community College, Simpson College, Multnomah Bible College, and finally Central Washington University.  My major pursuits have been communications, journalism, teaching, accounting and finally Film Production with a minor in Business.  I am pleased with the (long) road that it's taken to get here.  That's just me.  I like to do things my own way.  Take my time and figure things out.  I hate commitment without absolute assurance.  And I know, with certainty, that I am pursuing what I positively want to do.  I am happy.  I'm not tied down to anything.  I don't have a mortgage to worry about, or children to take care of, or a spouse's career to take into account when making life decisions.  I have an adorable apartment that feels like home, close friends who mean the world to me, and a world of opportunities and possibilities.  Life is good.

Right now, I am in pre-production for a short film that I wrote, I am the Scheduling Director for the school's new awesome tv station, and I am reading the script for a feature film that I was asked to be Production Manager for.  Needless to say, I am busy.

My short film is consuming my life.  If I'm not working on it, I'm thinking about it.  I go to sleep thinking "props, shot list, shooting schedule, Michael Crawley, storyboard, dialogue, auditions..."

Auditions are next week, and I am worried that no on will show up.  And we start filming one week later.  I can't believe it's already here.  But I have the best crew I could ask for, and I am so excited to get started!    I'll try and keep things posted as we move along.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Not what I expected, but I absolutely loved it.  It started out slow, but once we got to know Nicholson's character I got drawn in.  I couldn't figure him out and I had to know what he was going to do next.  I needed to know what he was thinking.  That to me, seems to be the mark of an extraordinary actor.  How does he do it?  How does he express so much and make me want to know so much more?  There is a scene near the end of the movie when I want him to do something.  I'm screaming for him to go just go, and the camera lingers on his face.  There is so much expression on his face, but it is unclear what the heck he is thinking.  I couldn't figure him out, and I loved that.

It wasn't just him.  Nurse Ratched had me scratching my head as well.  Was she a brilliant nurse, saying and doing the things she did for a purpose?  Or was she a crazy bitch acting in pride?  I wondered throughout the movie what she was thinking and what her motives were.

I really loved all of the characters.  Especially Chief.  I just want to give him a big "secret hug."  I wish someday that I could write a screenplay like this.

2001: A Space Odyssey & The General

2 films down: Stanley Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey," and Buster Keaton's "The General."  I have completely opposite responses to both.

2001: A Space Odyssey
I watched it last night.  Here's what I know about this movie.  It seems to be a really reflexive film.  You're not really force-fed anything.  You observe and you come to the conclusions on your own.  Conclusions about life, technology, and how those interact.  I think that's what I know about this film.  But I have to confess - I slept through most of it.  And the music really irritated me, waking me up a lot.

I love movies because of characters.  I love getting to know them, learning to love them, and being involved in what happens in their story.  This is definitely not a character piece.  I don't get these kinds of films.  I know they're important and artistic and intellectual, but it's just not my thing.  I had the same response to 8 1/2.

I was confused when it was over and I woke up.  I always thought that this was the movie about the evil computer with the red eye.  I googled it, and apparently it is - I just slept through it.  So I'm watching it again, right now.  I felt too guilty crossing it off of my list when I barely saw any of it.  And I have always wanted to see what happens with HAL.

The General
I haven't seen a lot of silent films, nor any Buster Keaton.  I was instantly in love with this movie.  How he could play such a lovable character without even speaking just baffles me.  His movements, gestures, facial expressions were perfectly hilarious.

Keaton is a train engineer  for the South during the Civil War.  The woman that he is in love with is on board his train "The General" when it is stolen by the northern army.  He sets out to rescue her in a chase that is filled with disaster after disaster.

I was in awe of how well they did this film.  It was made in 1927 without the mass of technology that we have today.  Shots were coordinated so perfectly while most of the film took place on board a moving train.

I could watch this movie again and again, and I think that I might.  I will have to watch more of his other films too.  I think I might try and make a short silent film next quarter.

12 Great Movies in 10 Days

When I was a sophomore in high school one of my teachers handed out AFI's list of 100 greatest movies.  It quickly became my goal to watch all of the listed films.  12 years later, and I've only seen 43 out of 100 (seen movies in black).

1. Citizen Kane
2. The Godfather
3. Casablanca
4. Raging Bull
5. Singin' In the Rain
6. Gone With the Wind
7. Lawrence of Arabia
8. Schindler's List
9. Vertigo
10. Wizard of Oz
11. City Lights
12. The Searchers
13. Star Wars
14. Psycho
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey
16. Sunset Blvd.
17. The Graduate
18. The General
19. On the Waterfront
20. It's a Wonderful Life
21. Chinatown
22. Some Like It Hot
23. The Grapes of Wrath
24. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
25. To Kill a Mockingbird
26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
27. High Noon
28. All About Eve
29. Double Indemnity
30. Apocalypse Now
31. The Maltese Falcon
32. The Godfather Part II
33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
35. Annie Hall
36. The Bridge Over the River Kai
37. The Best Years of our Lives
38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
39. Dr. Strangelove
40. The Sound of Music
41. King Kong
42. Bonnie and Clyde
43. Midnight Cowboy
44. The Philadelphia Story
45. Shane
46. It Happened One Night
47. A Streetcar Named Desire
48. Rear Window
49. Intolerance
50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
51. West Side Story
52. Taxi Driver
53. The Deer Hunter
54. M*A*S*H
55. North By Northwest
56. Jaws
57. Rocky
58. The Gold Rush
59. Nashville
60. Duck Soup
61. Sullivan's Travels
62. American Graffiti
63. Cabaret
64. Network
65. The African Queen
66. Raiders of the Lost Ark
67. Who's Afraid of Virgina Woolf?
68. Unforgiven
69. Tootsie
70. A Clockwork Orange
71. Saving Private Ryan
72. The Shawshank Redemption
73. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
74. The Silence of the Lambs
75. In the Heat of the Night
76. Forrest Gump
77. All the Presiden'ts Men
78. Modern Times
79. The Wild Bunch
80. The Apartment
81. Spartacus
82. Sunrise
83. Titanic
84. Easy Rider
85. A Night at the Opera
86. Platoon
87. 12 Angry Men
88. Bringing Up Baby
89. The Sixth Sense
90. Swing Time
91. Sophie's Choice
92. Goodfellas
93. The French Connection
94. Pulp Fiction
95. The Last Picture Show
96. Do The Right Thing
97. Blade Runner
98. Yankee Doodle Dandy
99. Toy Story
100. Ben Hur

That, being a FVS major, is absolutely unforgivable.

12 of the films that I haven't seen are on instant view, and it's my goal to watch all of them before spring break is over: 2001: A Space Odyssey, The General, High Noon, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Bonnie and Clyde, Intolerance, Jaws, The Gold Rush, Network, A Clockwork Orange, Platoon, Do The Right Thing

First up, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Stanley Kubrick, 1968