College Graduate

It is official - I am a college graduate.

I finished school last quarter, with a degree in film and video production, and a minor in business.  I couldn't be happier with where I am in life.

I'm staying in town until September when my lease is up.  In the meantime, I have found a job working as an Administrative Assistant at a camp and retreat center outside of town.  It's a good transitional place.  It's beautiful out there, out in the heart of the canyon.  There is a creek that runs through the property, and last week when I stepped out of the office there were seven deer out to greet me.  It's also a good fit for production management.  I have been busy every minute that I've been there.  Scheduling, working with waivers and contracts and releases, and taking care of the accounts payable/accounts receivable.  I wasn't going to get a job until after I graduated, but this job came up and it seemed like it would look good to help get me into a production office, so I had to snag it while I could.

I'm also working on a few projects.  I'm the production manager for a feature film and a pilot.  I'm also breaking down a script for a short.  I'm finishing the last bits of editing for my short, and I'm finishing development for a feature - a western.

Life is busy and I am so happy with where I am.  Once my lease is up in September, the sky's the limit.  I'm thinking about applying at a couple of places here in Washington.  There's one production company in Bellingham that I've had my sites set on for a while.  They make the most beautiful films, and I would love to be a part of what they do.  If that doesn't work out, I have a couple of other places in mind, but I'm also saving up to move down to LA with my roommate.  It's not my ideal, but I'll give it two years to see if I can get my foot in the door.

What I'm really concerned about in moving to LA is the work that I will end up doing.  The only thing that really matters to me, is doing work that I really care about.  And I fear, that moving to LA, in the desperation of surviving and thriving, my standards will gradually get lower.  Perhaps it is the naive song of the 19 year old dreamer, moving to LA for her big break.  Perhaps I am too old for ideals and hopes.  But I will cling to them nevertheless.

In his essay "Ten Things I have Learned," Milton Glaser described the importance of working with integrity and staying happy:

Things Always Go Wrong

And that's okay.  To this I feel certain.  It just seems to be what happens.  So, a month ago, when everything was moving perfectly I braced myself.  Almost every location I asked for permission to shoot at agreed instantly.  All of the crew that I asked got on board.  Every direction that I moved seemed to have green lights.  It was too good to be true.

• Two days ago, a crew member had a death in the family.
• Yesterday, I met with the library.  And although we've had our date and time (that they suggested and agreed to) set in place for almost two months, they said it wasn't going to work.    Now we have to shoot during business hours, and cannot shoot after dark.  And not shooting after dark means I have to rewrite scenes.
• Today, another crew member informed me that he isn't available.

What will go wrong tomorrow?

So here I am, 43 hours from starting principle photography, scrambling to fill in positions, dealing with rewrites, organize props, fix dinner for my production meeting, meet with an artist whose art I just realized is hanging at one of the locations, completely change my bedroom around because we're shooting a couple of scenes in here, and I am very close to losing my mind.  My chest constantly feels tight.  I sleep up to four hours a night in two hour increments.  I am so tired.  And so worried.  And so stressed.  All of the time.

This story is turning out to be so completely different from the story I wrote.  So many sacrifices had to be made in order to get it produced.  Everything is different.  It's heartbreaking.

I've always thought it was strange when writers were emotionally attached to their work.  I watched a documentary about screenwriters and the struggles that they went through.  And I couldn't relate to them when they took it so personally when a film was different than what they wrote.  I felt convinced that when I had a check in my hands for something I had written, that was all that mattered.  But I kind of get it now.  I love this story, and I want to see it be told the way that I wrote it.  With no budget, and no access to the things I need, sacrifices have to be made.

But I've learned some things through all of these struggles.
1.  The Production Manager is absolutely crucial.  I should have found someone to fill this role, instead of doing it myself.  It's just too much right now all by myself.
2.  I just want to write.  The rest of this is no fun!

Auditions

I had auditions last week.  I put posters up all over town.  Unfortunately, only a few ladies in the age demographic I needed showed up.  And they weren't right for the part.  So, I'm re-writing the script to allow for a younger protagonist.  Part of that is heartbreaking.  Her season in life played a big role in making her such an endearing character.  But, the show must go on.  I've had to make a few sacrifices during the pre-production process, and each one kind of breaks my heart a little bit.

Lets Talk About My Movie

Well, I just read through all of my previous blog entries, as one must always do when they haven't blogged in a while.  And I must say, much of it is rather pathetic and embarrassing.  How vulnerable I was in discussing my fears and inabilities!  And how much (I hope) I have grown since then!

So, here I am, almost as fully educated (for academic credit) as I am going to get.  I took my first college course 12 years ago.  South Puget Sound Community College, Grays Harbor Community College, Simpson College, Multnomah Bible College, and finally Central Washington University.  My major pursuits have been communications, journalism, teaching, accounting and finally Film Production with a minor in Business.  I am pleased with the (long) road that it's taken to get here.  That's just me.  I like to do things my own way.  Take my time and figure things out.  I hate commitment without absolute assurance.  And I know, with certainty, that I am pursuing what I positively want to do.  I am happy.  I'm not tied down to anything.  I don't have a mortgage to worry about, or children to take care of, or a spouse's career to take into account when making life decisions.  I have an adorable apartment that feels like home, close friends who mean the world to me, and a world of opportunities and possibilities.  Life is good.

Right now, I am in pre-production for a short film that I wrote, I am the Scheduling Director for the school's new awesome tv station, and I am reading the script for a feature film that I was asked to be Production Manager for.  Needless to say, I am busy.

My short film is consuming my life.  If I'm not working on it, I'm thinking about it.  I go to sleep thinking "props, shot list, shooting schedule, Michael Crawley, storyboard, dialogue, auditions..."

Auditions are next week, and I am worried that no on will show up.  And we start filming one week later.  I can't believe it's already here.  But I have the best crew I could ask for, and I am so excited to get started!    I'll try and keep things posted as we move along.